What could have been

Do you ever wonder what could have been?

My highschool sweetheart is on facebook. Today his status changed and he announced he and his wife are having twins due at Christmas.

While I am happy for him, it pulled at my heartstrings a bit. He was my first love and to this day he holds a piece of my heart. It isn't that I would change my life now for anything, but I can't help but wonder what my life would be like if we had stayed together as planned.

He is and was a great guy. I was the foolish one who let a college boy sweep me away.

There was a time when we were older and started seeing each other again. Had I not moved to Grande Prairie it undoubtedly would be me with Bry married and pregnant. Somedays there is nothing I wouldn't give to turn back time and change the decisions I have made.

I don't think he knows how much I have always deeply loved him. But how do you say that now?? Does it really matter? I think so. I don't know. But the fact remains that I do love him and I always will. I can't change the past but I can apologize for my mistakes. He was such a big part of my life and who I am now...I can only thank him for being part of my life and sharing his with me.

For now I will allow the pull at my heart and remember fondly the times we had. I will always wish him well and I am happy he has experienced success in his life. A great career, a beautiful wife, and now children to love. I am happy for him.

But there will remain times I will still wonder what could have been.