Pity Party for One

I am in the dumps today. The rational and logical part of my mind knows I have no right to be. The other part of me cries 'why me'! Why is this happening to me? Why can't I be normal and healthy like everyone else. Instead I am forced to live a life of pain and pill after pill.

My stomach issues started soon after the birth of my first son. I remember crying on the couch with a newborn by myself thinking I was dying as sharp pains rocked my belly. Finally, convinced I was having a heart attack, I called the ambulance. As it turns out, it was a gall bladder attack and was so full of stones, it was removed 6 hours later.

Relief? No. Complications? Yes. Almost 4 years worth now.

Since that operation, I have had pancreatitis and chronic abdominal and back pain. I have endured 9 ERCP's and finally now a major open surgery that was supposed to fix everything right? Wrong. I am back at square one, scared to eat from the spasms and the pain wondering if life will ever be the same.

My children suffer since Mommy always has a tummy ache. My marriage suffers. I am not working right now. And I rarely have the energy to interact with my friends.

So today I am having a pity party for one. I am not going to do anything today. Just mope.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will remember that it could be worse and how much I have to be thankful for. But today is today and it is my day to party.