How is it that all of these sellers on ebay make so much money on their auctions. There is something I am missing I think. I can sell the exact same item at the exact same time and get way less bids. plus I have 100% positive feedback.
Weird. Hmph.
Will list again tonight and see if it is any better.
I wonder what the secret is?
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Saturday, June 7, 2008
What could have been
Do you ever wonder what could have been?
My highschool sweetheart is on facebook. Today his status changed and he announced he and his wife are having twins due at Christmas.
While I am happy for him, it pulled at my heartstrings a bit. He was my first love and to this day he holds a piece of my heart. It isn't that I would change my life now for anything, but I can't help but wonder what my life would be like if we had stayed together as planned.
He is and was a great guy. I was the foolish one who let a college boy sweep me away.
There was a time when we were older and started seeing each other again. Had I not moved to Grande Prairie it undoubtedly would be me with Bry married and pregnant. Somedays there is nothing I wouldn't give to turn back time and change the decisions I have made.
I don't think he knows how much I have always deeply loved him. But how do you say that now?? Does it really matter? I think so. I don't know. But the fact remains that I do love him and I always will. I can't change the past but I can apologize for my mistakes. He was such a big part of my life and who I am now...I can only thank him for being part of my life and sharing his with me.
For now I will allow the pull at my heart and remember fondly the times we had. I will always wish him well and I am happy he has experienced success in his life. A great career, a beautiful wife, and now children to love. I am happy for him.
But there will remain times I will still wonder what could have been.
My highschool sweetheart is on facebook. Today his status changed and he announced he and his wife are having twins due at Christmas.
While I am happy for him, it pulled at my heartstrings a bit. He was my first love and to this day he holds a piece of my heart. It isn't that I would change my life now for anything, but I can't help but wonder what my life would be like if we had stayed together as planned.
He is and was a great guy. I was the foolish one who let a college boy sweep me away.
There was a time when we were older and started seeing each other again. Had I not moved to Grande Prairie it undoubtedly would be me with Bry married and pregnant. Somedays there is nothing I wouldn't give to turn back time and change the decisions I have made.
I don't think he knows how much I have always deeply loved him. But how do you say that now?? Does it really matter? I think so. I don't know. But the fact remains that I do love him and I always will. I can't change the past but I can apologize for my mistakes. He was such a big part of my life and who I am now...I can only thank him for being part of my life and sharing his with me.
For now I will allow the pull at my heart and remember fondly the times we had. I will always wish him well and I am happy he has experienced success in his life. A great career, a beautiful wife, and now children to love. I am happy for him.
But there will remain times I will still wonder what could have been.
Overwhelmed
There are about a million other things I should be doing rather than writing this blog. It is just that there is so much, I have no clue where to begin.
The bathroom needs cleaning in the worst way, my office looks like a bomb exploded in it and I really really need to go through my closet and purge clothing. I have lost so much weight the past six months that nothing fits anymore. There are tons of Rubbermaid totes downstairs that need to be sorted and labeled for the garage sale next week plus the bins full of children's clothing I need to photograph and get ready to sell. There is the whole mess with our utility billing (let's not go there it stresses me out) and the mysterious source of water use in our house. Apparently we are using 660 gallons a day this week and we have no idea where the leak is!! A normal household uses about 300 gallons per day.
So where do I start?? Baby steps I suppose. The bathroom? That seems to be the smallest task. I know once I get going I will be able to keep the momentum up, but there are just so many other useless things I can do instead. For example..tinkering with my blog. Surfing eBay. Cruising facebook. Hanging out in the yard. And the list goes on.
But alas, I will finish here and go tackle the bathroom. I'll let you know if something tries to bite me!
Alright - the procrastination ends now - off to the bathroom I go with Lysol in hand. Wish me luck!!
The bathroom needs cleaning in the worst way, my office looks like a bomb exploded in it and I really really need to go through my closet and purge clothing. I have lost so much weight the past six months that nothing fits anymore. There are tons of Rubbermaid totes downstairs that need to be sorted and labeled for the garage sale next week plus the bins full of children's clothing I need to photograph and get ready to sell. There is the whole mess with our utility billing (let's not go there it stresses me out) and the mysterious source of water use in our house. Apparently we are using 660 gallons a day this week and we have no idea where the leak is!! A normal household uses about 300 gallons per day.
So where do I start?? Baby steps I suppose. The bathroom? That seems to be the smallest task. I know once I get going I will be able to keep the momentum up, but there are just so many other useless things I can do instead. For example..tinkering with my blog. Surfing eBay. Cruising facebook. Hanging out in the yard. And the list goes on.
But alas, I will finish here and go tackle the bathroom. I'll let you know if something tries to bite me!
Alright - the procrastination ends now - off to the bathroom I go with Lysol in hand. Wish me luck!!
Friday, June 6, 2008
Pity Party for One
I am in the dumps today. The rational and logical part of my mind knows I have no right to be. The other part of me cries 'why me'! Why is this happening to me? Why can't I be normal and healthy like everyone else. Instead I am forced to live a life of pain and pill after pill.
My stomach issues started soon after the birth of my first son. I remember crying on the couch with a newborn by myself thinking I was dying as sharp pains rocked my belly. Finally, convinced I was having a heart attack, I called the ambulance. As it turns out, it was a gall bladder attack and was so full of stones, it was removed 6 hours later.
Relief? No. Complications? Yes. Almost 4 years worth now.
Since that operation, I have had pancreatitis and chronic abdominal and back pain. I have endured 9 ERCP's and finally now a major open surgery that was supposed to fix everything right? Wrong. I am back at square one, scared to eat from the spasms and the pain wondering if life will ever be the same.
My children suffer since Mommy always has a tummy ache. My marriage suffers. I am not working right now. And I rarely have the energy to interact with my friends.
So today I am having a pity party for one. I am not going to do anything today. Just mope.
Tomorrow is a new day. I will remember that it could be worse and how much I have to be thankful for. But today is today and it is my day to party.
My stomach issues started soon after the birth of my first son. I remember crying on the couch with a newborn by myself thinking I was dying as sharp pains rocked my belly. Finally, convinced I was having a heart attack, I called the ambulance. As it turns out, it was a gall bladder attack and was so full of stones, it was removed 6 hours later.
Relief? No. Complications? Yes. Almost 4 years worth now.
Since that operation, I have had pancreatitis and chronic abdominal and back pain. I have endured 9 ERCP's and finally now a major open surgery that was supposed to fix everything right? Wrong. I am back at square one, scared to eat from the spasms and the pain wondering if life will ever be the same.
My children suffer since Mommy always has a tummy ache. My marriage suffers. I am not working right now. And I rarely have the energy to interact with my friends.
So today I am having a pity party for one. I am not going to do anything today. Just mope.
Tomorrow is a new day. I will remember that it could be worse and how much I have to be thankful for. But today is today and it is my day to party.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Lucky
The last two days have been fairly uneventful. I have been somewhat of a hermit and have stayed home with the exception of the quick dash I made to Wal-Mart today. My stomach has been giving me grief again and my energy levels drop as I tend not to eat very much for fear of pain.
The highlight of the day was my trip to Wal-Mart! I finally managed to get my hands on a Wii Fit. I have been desperately searching for one since we got our Nintendo Wii last week. Every day I made the same group of phone calls, Wal-Mart, Zellers, Future Shop, EB Games and even Blockbuster looking for one of these systems. Fortunately for me, my second call of the day resulted in a kind fellow named Ben at Wal-Mart holding the last of two they were delivered this week. Who only sends a Wal-Mart two of something?? Twenty maybe, but two??? I suspect that Nintendo has thousands of these sitting in a warehouse somewhere and is just drumming up hype by only releasing a few at a time. Lucky me I grabbed it! So tomorrow I will see if I can figure out how to set it up and start getting my behind in better shape.
With my newfound interest in blogging, I searched a bit and found a blog created by a 'loopie' friend of mine. For those of you who don't know what a loopie is, it is a term we use for people involved in toddler clothing web groups or loops. Anyway her blog is one of the most beautiful, inspirational yet saddening thing I have ever read in my life. If I manage to figure out how to link here, I will add it as soon as I can. It is called Resurfacing and is about her resurfacing from the devastating loss of her son Callum who was born still last year. This site brought me to tears, made me smile, and left me in awe of this woman's strength and courage through an absolutely horrible tragedy. Most importantly it is another reminder of how precious life is and how special and lucky we are to have the happy healthy children we do. Go spend time with your kids and tell them how much they are wanted and loved. I did - several times today.
Enough for today - go hold your children tightly and remember how lucky we truly are.
~K
The highlight of the day was my trip to Wal-Mart! I finally managed to get my hands on a Wii Fit. I have been desperately searching for one since we got our Nintendo Wii last week. Every day I made the same group of phone calls, Wal-Mart, Zellers, Future Shop, EB Games and even Blockbuster looking for one of these systems. Fortunately for me, my second call of the day resulted in a kind fellow named Ben at Wal-Mart holding the last of two they were delivered this week. Who only sends a Wal-Mart two of something?? Twenty maybe, but two??? I suspect that Nintendo has thousands of these sitting in a warehouse somewhere and is just drumming up hype by only releasing a few at a time. Lucky me I grabbed it! So tomorrow I will see if I can figure out how to set it up and start getting my behind in better shape.
With my newfound interest in blogging, I searched a bit and found a blog created by a 'loopie' friend of mine. For those of you who don't know what a loopie is, it is a term we use for people involved in toddler clothing web groups or loops. Anyway her blog is one of the most beautiful, inspirational yet saddening thing I have ever read in my life. If I manage to figure out how to link here, I will add it as soon as I can. It is called Resurfacing and is about her resurfacing from the devastating loss of her son Callum who was born still last year. This site brought me to tears, made me smile, and left me in awe of this woman's strength and courage through an absolutely horrible tragedy. Most importantly it is another reminder of how precious life is and how special and lucky we are to have the happy healthy children we do. Go spend time with your kids and tell them how much they are wanted and loved. I did - several times today.
Enough for today - go hold your children tightly and remember how lucky we truly are.
~K
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Can't Sleep
Sleeping seems to be a luxury that I can't get much of these days. I will lay in bed and suddenly my mind races with all sorts of things. I'll worry about bills, money, doctor's appointments for the kids, should I get an oil change, what do I need to get at the grocery store. All kinds of things that I just can not shut off.
Perhaps it is just the only time that is quiet and I actually have time to think (read: worry)about everything. I have read that keeping a pad and pencil beside the bed can help get you to sleep. Perhaps I will use this blog as a tool to do that. The idea is to write down your to-do's or worry list and by doing so clear your mind for sleep.
Tonight the list includes: whether I should go back to work full time or in a job share. Maybe I should start my own company or invent something really cool - but then I think about what to invent! I also gave myself crap for forgetting the 15% off sale at Safeway that they have once per month. A falling out I had with one of my best girlfriends a few months ago has been weighing heavily on my heart along with the lack of time I have been able to spend with my husband and kids - but especially my poor husband who wound up sleeping in the spare room this past week because I have been so miserably sore at night. ;( Multivitamins are for some reason very important to me at this moment - I pondered what type I should be taking and contemplated an article I read about lack of vitamin B12 and vitamin D in women. What else keeps me from sleep at the moment...? Thoughts of talking to Casey's teacher tomorrow about the tall tales he has been telling and the permission slip I need to sign run through my mind. My health is always something I am thinking about. I really am frustrated and upset and just want to feel well. No more medications and no more pain. I would like to just for once to feel 'normal' and healthy. I also thought about how cool it was that I figured out how to create a blog all by myself - I am not that computer geeky inclined. My husband is the computer whiz of the family. Then I began worrying about where to meet a new friend for lunch - yes worry. As odd as it seems. Which brings along a whole new topic.
I am finding that the days have been lonely. Most of the good friends I have made during my time in Grande Prairie have moved on to other places. One of the last friends in town will be moving back East by the end of the summer. I am so sad!! It is difficult for me to meet new friends since I can be so introverted and I don't really put myself out there I suppose. Making new friends will just have to be added to the to-do list and I can at least now worry about it another time. The, hopefully, new friend I am meeting for lunch this week seems really friendly and outgoing and we had met almost a year ago through a mutual friend but never managed to connect. Although I have no idea what to talk about when we meet, I hope something stupid doesn't come out of my mouth and we will go with that!!
So hopefully this being my pen and paper sleep will start to come. More in the morning.
Good Night.
Perhaps it is just the only time that is quiet and I actually have time to think (read: worry)about everything. I have read that keeping a pad and pencil beside the bed can help get you to sleep. Perhaps I will use this blog as a tool to do that. The idea is to write down your to-do's or worry list and by doing so clear your mind for sleep.
Tonight the list includes: whether I should go back to work full time or in a job share. Maybe I should start my own company or invent something really cool - but then I think about what to invent! I also gave myself crap for forgetting the 15% off sale at Safeway that they have once per month. A falling out I had with one of my best girlfriends a few months ago has been weighing heavily on my heart along with the lack of time I have been able to spend with my husband and kids - but especially my poor husband who wound up sleeping in the spare room this past week because I have been so miserably sore at night. ;( Multivitamins are for some reason very important to me at this moment - I pondered what type I should be taking and contemplated an article I read about lack of vitamin B12 and vitamin D in women. What else keeps me from sleep at the moment...? Thoughts of talking to Casey's teacher tomorrow about the tall tales he has been telling and the permission slip I need to sign run through my mind. My health is always something I am thinking about. I really am frustrated and upset and just want to feel well. No more medications and no more pain. I would like to just for once to feel 'normal' and healthy. I also thought about how cool it was that I figured out how to create a blog all by myself - I am not that computer geeky inclined. My husband is the computer whiz of the family. Then I began worrying about where to meet a new friend for lunch - yes worry. As odd as it seems. Which brings along a whole new topic.
I am finding that the days have been lonely. Most of the good friends I have made during my time in Grande Prairie have moved on to other places. One of the last friends in town will be moving back East by the end of the summer. I am so sad!! It is difficult for me to meet new friends since I can be so introverted and I don't really put myself out there I suppose. Making new friends will just have to be added to the to-do list and I can at least now worry about it another time. The, hopefully, new friend I am meeting for lunch this week seems really friendly and outgoing and we had met almost a year ago through a mutual friend but never managed to connect. Although I have no idea what to talk about when we meet, I hope something stupid doesn't come out of my mouth and we will go with that!!
So hopefully this being my pen and paper sleep will start to come. More in the morning.
Good Night.
Why medicmom2?
I thought perhaps someone might actually find this site and wonder why I chose the name medicmom2? Well simply put, I am the mother of two beautiful young boys who are the absolute lights of my life. (hence mom2) And secondly, I am an advanced care ground and flight paramedic. (there you have medic) I figured putting two important parts of who I am would make a good user name. Although I do have to wonder exactly how defined by our careers we really are? An interesting thought to leave with.
I love the spell check feature on here!! Otherwise I am quite certain no one could read a word on the page since my typing skills leave much to be desired!
I love the spell check feature on here!! Otherwise I am quite certain no one could read a word on the page since my typing skills leave much to be desired!
And so we begin
Well I am here. I have thought about keeping a journal of some kind for a while now. Given the happenings in my life, I think this will be a good place to write about the days events and reflect on my life as it passes in general. This journaling is intended to be a place for me to , unload, for lack of a better word, however should someone find my mundane daily ramblings interesting all I can say is welcome to my little spot on the internet.
Today was not such a good day. More on that later. The children are sleeping and I am about ready to head to bed also. I seem to be going to bed earlier and earlier these days. Especially when my husband is not home. He left this afternoon for an eight day stretch of work in High Level. Lucky him - I miss working and I especially miss flying. Soon I will be back. Again, more on this subject later.
From the journey,
K
Today was not such a good day. More on that later. The children are sleeping and I am about ready to head to bed also. I seem to be going to bed earlier and earlier these days. Especially when my husband is not home. He left this afternoon for an eight day stretch of work in High Level. Lucky him - I miss working and I especially miss flying. Soon I will be back. Again, more on this subject later.
From the journey,
K
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